Date: 17th September 2009 at 3:00pm
Written by:


With the Manchester derby almost upon us we at Vital Manchester City would like as many Blues as possible to send us your favourite ManUre jokes.

Please remember, we are a family site and any jokes which overstep the mark will have to be deleted from the front pages. However, if you get the urge and your not sure if your joke is suitable, I’ll allow the boundaries to be pushed as far as possible via our 100% City Chat forum.

Monty Python’s Flying Circus sound bite Monty Python's Flying Circus sound bite


Q: Did you hear that the Post Office just recalled their latest stamps?
A: They had pictures of Manchester United Players on them …and people couldn’t figure out which side to spit on.

Q: What do you call 20 Manchester United Fans skydiving from an aeroplane?
A: Diahorrea

Q: What do you call a Man Utd season ticket holder?
A: Scenery…

Q: What do Manchester United Fans and sperm have in common?
A: One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.

Q: What’s the difference between listening to Alex Ferguson’s after-match interview and childbirth?
A: One’s an extremely painful almost unbearable experience, and the other one’s just having a baby.

Q: What have Man Utd and a 3-pin plug got in common?
A: They’re both bugger-all use in Europe.

Top tip for Manchester United fans: don’t waste money on expensive new kits every season. Simply strap a large inflatable penis to your forehead, and everyone will immediately know which team you support.

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