Calling all agents and travelling circus acts. The time has come for Planet Blue to reluctantly accept that Joao Alves Jo should leave Manchester City as soon as possible…
This might come as a shock to Roberto Mancini and a bus queue of hatstand Jo admirers, but if City are to realise lofty ambitions this Spring then we will have to start games with ten outfield players more regularly. 73 minutes without Jo before his substitution at Leicester certainly gave the home side an unfair advantage.
In truth, you never know what you’ll get with Jo which is what makes his inexplicable presence on a football pitch all the more intriguing.
Will he be able to remain standing up with the ball somewhere near his feet if an opposition player comes within a yard of him? Can he run with the ball unaided for a period of 5 seconds? Or will he throw himself to the ground clutching his face to the toe curling embarrassment of his team’s supporters should he get touched anywhere else on his body? For the more fashion conscious fan, what hairstyle will he sport?
Jo’s stumbling, sprawling credentials are second to anyone. His meretriciously conspicuous ball control has to be seen to be disbelieved. City fans, in idle moments following ‘boring City TM’ often play a game of second guess as to where any Jo header will end up. Numerous Balti Pies have been won and lost as a result of the wayward Brazilian’s mesmerising rambling runs into nowhere.
Blues would like to make it clear however that the scandalous rumour that Frank Shinawatra’s advisers £18 million signing of Jo from Moscow during a management ‘black hole’ at Eastlands was not a mistake. The entertainment value has been X-factorishly wonderful. The only mistake was that they meant to come back to Manchester with Wagner Love.
At the moment of going to press, Norff Laandarn Taarn used car salesman Harold Redknapp is believed to be prepared to host ‘The Beckham Circus’ for a limited period this season. If he is looking for a clown to further distract from the rest of his team’s collective efforts then Jo could offer that extra something thus far undefined at the City of Manchester Stadium.
Like a succession of hapleslly lunged for crosses, this opportunity is not to be missed.
We have 47,000 taxis on standby to drive Jo to wherever his agent would like him to be.
Jo has been under contract at Manchester City since 7th July 2008 and has made 9 league starts. He has scored 1 league goal.
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