Date: 11th September 2010 at 8:38pm
Written by:

They say the British are famous for many things; posh accents, bad weather, great football, getting smashed in Ibiza, failing at the World Cup and writing a letter when angry.

Dear Vital Manchester City readers,

Today, I encountered a football match – not just any football match though – it was the wonderful Manchester City Football Club versus Blackburn Rovers Rugby League Club however. I did not specifically like what I saw before me.

Because before me was a very tall man who did not duck his head. That is my first complaint. Surely all the tall people should be made to sit at the back of the stadium so us small people can enjoy the football match. Tall man. But, back to the football game.

First of all I have a few congratulations to hand out.

* I would like to congratulate Blackburn Rovers for hitting row z as many times as possible.

* I would like to congratulate Johnny Wilkinson for his new role as head coach at Blackburn Rovers.

* I would like to congratulate Mark Clattenburg as he was the most vocal of all the Blackburn fans in the stadium today.

* I would like to congratulate Jo today as he was the best spectator of the game today.

* And, I would like to thanks Sam Allardyce for the most entertaining game of rugby I have ever watched. You could most probably have the most exciting game of dot to dot on Adam Johnson’s leg from the studs that were implanted into them.

Congrats out of the way, I must now rant…

We didn’t play very well at all to say the least. We kept passing a little heavy and some players were a little off, but we all have those days and I can’t complain. You get used to it being sky blue…and overall we were the better side.

We came out the traps to be followed by Blackburn who found a peculiar goal after uncharacteristic defensive confusion on our behalf. And then it was on. The rest of the match was spent with Mark Clattenburg’s whistle for every breath of fresh air on a Blackburn players neck hair, (and silence whenever City players were knocked into next week – maybe that’s bias on my behalf), chances, runs, City attacks, and a chorus of ‘you’re not fit to referee.’

Adam Johnson had a great game once more as his feet sent the defence mad however the rest of the team weren’t really on the ball. Tevez was everywhere but never quite got that last bit that he needed, Milner was a bit hit and miss, Wright Phillips was looking ace one minute and then would fail. Lescott’s pace was enough to rival my pet snail who died a few years ago (we are a poor family – couldn’t afford a dog or fish), and Vieira was showing us all why he is such a slick passer – because if he holds on the ball for too long he may have to move, consequently running out of breath from his slow speed. Was not the best. By the way, I like to exaggerate.

The refereeing I shall not go into…oh what the hell – it’s bad to bottle things up.

The refereeing was the worst I’ve seen in a long time, (god I’ve missed the season) as Mr Clattenburg seemed to have lost the plot. That reminds me that I must email him later as I think I’ve just found his marbles (I should not and will not take up the career choice of comedian) and I’ve never found myself so frustrated in…in…a week since we played Sunderland, but that’s beside the point! In fact, I’m so frustrated its only now on my second read through of this article that I have decided to delete all the swear words, name calling and insults to his mother!

Barry livened it up, to be followed by another livening up from Silva, after a Vieira tap in equalised, so it was looking good – and we may just nick it!

The roars of ‘Who are ya?’ from both sets of supporters were ringing around and cries of ‘oooh’ and ahh’ and ‘it’s a goal!!’ followed by ‘ahh, it’s not’ around the stadium though as it reached the final minutes everybody seemed dismal. It looked like it wasn’t our day.

As you may have just read I said ‘it wasn’t our day’, if you don’t believe me I give you permission to scroll back up and read it…see I told you, however on almost the very last minute I believed it was, as did ‘Big Pete’ next to me, ‘Small Dave’ behind, and all the other supporters in the stadium!

Tevez was free from an overhead chip and all he had to do was tap it in…oh there’s the keeper, oh and a few others…ahh…oooh…ahh…oooh…(did I mention I sit next to a chimpanzee) he somehow managed to keep it and had Jo to pass to on his left who would tuck it home, win it, be carried away, become a hero, open his new range of clothing, live forever being fed grapes from three naked hot blonds. Jobs a gooden – lets go home – X Factor’s on soon.

He passed it and…Jo shoots…its blocked. It’s blocked. It’s blocked. I thought I’d drill that into your head by saying it a few times. Hands on heads, heads in hands, chairs slammed shut and children hit by parents across the head from frustration.

Game over and the Blackburn fans celebrated like they had just won World War 3. – Ahh, the days of celebrating draws ay.

We have positives though, cheer up, and put X Factor on with a pint.

And, there’s always next week. Isn’t it fun to be Blue?

Yours sincerely, Harry Newton…Bundo, over and out.


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