He’s every Blue’s favourite outspoken rag and the ‘Carrington Stalker’ as he’s allegedly known amongst united’s fearful squad is back and having it large style…
VMC caught up with Nobby on his day release and it’s clear that the quintessential rag is eagerly anticipating tomorrow’s derby humdinger.
‘Great’ to have you back in amongst our forums giving us that special insight into what makes a Manchester united supporter so undefinable Nobby. – So, Manchester City. Worried?
‘You’re having a laugh aren’t you? The Red flag is still flying high mate and it’s obvious to ANYONE WHO KNOWS ANYTHING ABOUT FOOTBALL that your MERCENARIES backed by your GLORY HUNTERS are there for the taking this weekend. You are still all drowning in bitter jealousy and it’s high time you came around to the fact that no matter how much money you spend you will NEVER get past us.’
Then there’s Manchester united. Worried?
‘Trick questions are another thing you won’t get past a DIEHARD RED. Why should I be worried? You won’t get me commenting on club ownership again. Some of my mates who I have nothing but respect for got into the FC United of Manchester thing but I am different and I’d like to think I am a fighter and will fight the owners from within with my green and gold scarf. I prefer to focus on the team and THE MASTER is again casting his magic spell over a new generation of Babes who will obviously be title medal winners long before your money grabbers.’
‘What are your views on FCUM followers singing anti-City songs wherever they go?’
‘Old habits NEVER DIE.’
‘Sticking with songs for the moment. The scars of Carlos Tevez’s departure still run deep as that ‘money grabbing whore’ number keeps getting an airing. What are your feelings about the striker who has scored an unprecedented in the modern Blue era 49 goals in 66 City starts?’
‘Yet another fantastic tune from Boyley. I actually think Tevez is starting to burn out. I can see it in his eyes. Them penalties he missed told me he longs for THE THEATRE OF DREAMS. He’s still just trying to get back at Fergie and that time will come to an end in my experience. Our milkman is in the know through a mate who works on the inside at City and swears he saw Tevez carrying a United lampshade out to his car at Carrington. The description is spot on with the one I’ve got in our front room.’
Rooneygate. The death threat graffiti around town, the night time visits from the Rat Boys In Black at the scouser’s mansion and the downcast Taggart press conference. What was your take on the drama earlier this season?
‘I told you before that Wayne would never leave United and could never be called a mercenary. Unlike Torres and Tevez. The way I see it, the whole thing was a spiders web brilliantly spun by Fergie to get the owners to start buying big like the old days. That’ll probably happen in the summer or might not even be neccessary again considering we are STILL TOP OF THE LEAGUE. Respect to Fergie for not going out there buying rubbish for the sake of it again.’
You are no stranger to controversy according to the locals and care assistants we’ve spoken to around your Bolton stomping ground. Be it at the bus stop, the bookies, the launderette, the bingo hall or writing for United We Issue and Pubic of Mankunia your views are very often outspoken. What are your thoughts on City Groundsman Ged Coyne and his anti-united Facebook page?
‘Not arsed. You get to roll with the punches as a professional Red which is what I’d like to be seen as. Hooky, Shaun Ryder, Fez, Mani and my close mate Eamonn Holmes. We’ve all been through the mixer putting our anti-City views out there. It’s give and take in Manchester football circles.’
Have you and your cousin Eric Whiteside maintained your close links with Manchester United since we last spoke?
‘Any which way but loose my friend. We had trouble with that Peter Kenyon who we are well rid of threatening us with the bobbies just because I borrowed scaffolding off a roofer mate of mine for a week at Carrington. These days we use a tree and we’ve even made a quid or two helping Japanese visitors up there with a rope ladder off my grandson Neville. All the lads know us and only a couple of days ago, Rio gave me the thumbs up when I shouted to him about this week’s injury mind games! Top bloke.’
On the subject of that squad, we’ve seen Gary Neville, repeatedly humiliated this season, finally throw in the towel at 43 years old. You’ve talked about a new generation but do you expect Edwin Wanders Far, Paul Scholes, Owen ‘The English Patient’ Hargreaves, Tiny Tim Owen and Ryan Giggs to do the honourable thing soon and follow their happy go lucky Captain out the door?
‘Listen, you don’t get to make an aerobics video at 41 without having something about you and Giggsy has got it all. I’d take everyone of those players at 50 over YaYa Silva and his pals any day of the week.’
united greats, the shameless 1999 medal boaster turned party organiser David May, Denis Law, Gary Pallister and Fatty Brazil have all talked up this weekend’s derby as being the most important for decades. Thoughts?
‘I’m mad for it. This will be the derby of REVENGE for us where certain traitors get put to the sword. You know who I am talking about Brian Kidd. We will also take great pleasure in putting you lot back in your place yet again in your usual cup final.’
Johnny Marr recently described Manchester City in the following words: ‘Attitude and Unpredictability, Teenage Petulance and Erratic Brilliance = Rock ‘n’ Roll. Manchester City ARE Rock ‘n’ Roll.’ – How would you describe Manchester United?
‘Bigger than Queen, Status Quo and Robbie Williams and that’s saying something, despite what your friend out of Oasis says.’
And so to the game. Your prediction?
‘You’re going to park Mr. One Cornetto’s ice cream van again aren’t you? Well you can try it, but this time we’ll be ready. One nil to THE MIGHTY REDS inside 5 minutes. Then you’ll have to come out and you’ll get battered.
UNITED 4 Citeh 0. Shabba!’
Very many thanks once again and respect going out to Nobby and the United We Issue team at the Bolton Salford and Trafford Mental Health NHS Trust.
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DERBY DAY ON VMC:
Head for the VMC Match Day Experience Forum for the build up and beyond to the biggest game of the season so far against the rags at the swamp. Join us as we brace ourselves for another wave of the traditional horrible smugness that only rags can serve up with such toe curling aplomb.
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